Dear Walgreens,
My deep and passionate love for you has never been a secret. I adore your convenient selection of cosmetics, candy, hamburger helper, dog snuggies, and pharmaceuticals as much as the next girl. Way more than the next girl, actually. Once I got in a serious argument with another girl about who loved you more, and I told her that I visit you at least three times a week, and she was like, "Really? You go to Walgreens three times a week?" and I was like "At least," and she was like, "Maybe you should find other hobbies." So I totally won.
On one of my visits last week, I was on a quest to find Nic's Sticks, the much-hyped nail polish pen designed for people like me who lack hand-eye coordination and end up getting more nail polish on their face and palms than on their nails. I've been super excited to try them and I knew you wouldn't let me down, Walgreens.
I headed to the cosmetics section, usually staffed by a crotchety elderly man who says passive aggressive things like, "Yes, I can show you where the concealer is, but I'm not sure it's going to help" (It's charming, in its own way, trust me) and instead found a friendly woman named Beth Ann, eager to assist. I told her about my quest, and she went to look for the nail polish pens while I browsed the selection of ShamWows by the registers.
Beth Ann soon returned, shaking her head. "I can't find them," she said, "but I need to ask Glenda. Glenda would know. You're not leaving here without your nail polish pen, do you hear me, honey?"
"I hear you," I said back, secretly excited about the prospect of not being able to leave Walgreens.
A couple minutes later, out of the mist of the refrigerated energy drink section, Glenda emerged with glorious news: "Yes, we have your nail polish, but it's in the clearance section."
She led us over to a box of Nic's Sticks that had been marked down to about 3 bucks each. Beth Ann and Glenda and I huddled around the newly affordable loot, choosing cute colors and gossiping and giggling. This is why I come to Walgreens three times a week.
I bought three Nic's Sticks, plus some $1 eyeliner, a notebook, hand sanitizer, and a kit kat bar. This is why when I signed up for a program that would track my finances, it said, "You are spending all of your money at Walgreens," and I said, "You don't know me! You don't know my life!" and shut it off.
I really like the nail polish pens, but Walgreens, what's most important is that I really love you. Don't ever change. And please keep that mean old man out of the cosmetics section.
Love,
Winona
p.s. Exciting, non-Walgreens related announcement coming on Monday! Stay tuned!
