Top 5 Most Important Things I'm Packing for my Florida Vacation and Why

In a couple weeks my dad is taking two of my brothers and me on a trip to visit his homeland of southern Florida. The main goals of this trip are eating key lime pie, hunting invasive Burmese pythons, and "bush busting," which, from what I've gathered, means parking your car on the side of the road, then walking out into the everglades and trying not to die.

I'm starting to formulate my packing list, and I wanted to share my top five suitcase priorities:

1. Debra Morgan Shirt
I'm obsessed with the show Dexter. Obsessed. Like, sometimes I sit at my desk at work and daydream about what it would be like if I were friends with the cast, and I laugh quietly to myself about our silly antics and witty repartee. One of my favorite characters is Debra, Dexter's sassy sister (I'm constantly trying to get my brothers to compare me to Debra but they insist I'm more like Vince Masuka. Hmm...). Anyway, since the show is set in Miami, Debra is always wearing these simple linen button-up blouses with the sleeves rolled up, and she looks so cool, in both senses of the word.

This style of shirt looks really, really bad on me, but that didn't stop me from buying a $14.99 version at Marshalls yesterday, and it won't stop me from wearing it everyday in Florida and swearing like a sailor.

2. Bush-Busting Boots

Hopefully these will help me achieve that "not dying" goal.

3. A Small and Sensible Pocket Knife

When I told my friend Katie about my upcoming vacation and our snake stalking plans, she immediately replied, "When I was a kid this missionary came to our church and told us that if you're ever being eaten by a python you should let it swallow you up to your chest, then use the pocket knife you have stashed in your pocket to slice up the side of its belly and escape."

So I said, "What if it eats you head first?"

"They didn't mention that."

"Oh."

In summary, I need to bring a knife. Preferably in a Tomb Raider style thigh holster. And I need to practice crawling into a snake's mouth feet first. And if TSA agents stop me at the airport and are all, "Umm, ma'am, you can't take a 3 foot gold-plated dagger on the plane," I will tell them the story Katie told me, and they will be like, "Godspeed, brave traveler, godspeed."

Alternate plan: wear this gorgeous Wendy Brandes sword necklace and let the snake eat me up to my neck before exacting my revenge.

4. Vintage sunglasses

Because I treasure any excuse to buy another pair of vintage sunglasses.

5. My Esther Williams swimsuit

For taking a refreshing dip in the ocean oil slick.

Any other ideas, tips, or suggestions? What's the weirdest vacation you've ever taken?